Have you checked your error log? If so, please post the error message.
Not cPanel, your Zen Cart log. If you're using 1.3.9, it will be in your cache folder in your store root.
Nope, not an idiot. Just learning.
Check your install to be sure everything is where it belongs. As the error says, the function has not been defined.
I spoke to PotteryHouse and Jeking privately. Make sure you guys follow EXPLICITLY where to place the files and ANY file that is a PHP will be called by ZenCart. Even if you keep a backup, it'll try to call for it and therefore confuse the site if you have two of the files. Make sure any backups have an extension like "_php" or ".bak"
Thanks guys!
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