How do I set up for selling just 2 products?

We're trying to turn fast easy checkout + zen cart into a checkout similar to e-junk ie's (but without the horrific interface they have)

We have a light box that already gives you two options and converts at near 95% so we're looking for something that when someone clicks "Pay by card" it goes directly into a stark, fully populated cart with 1 quantity of the item it links to...
From there they click checkout... and the next page is a 1 page checkout then confirmation :clap:

We have only 2 products we sell... so the entire catalog, template, etc features of zen cart (or any cart really) is a huge negative as far as integration.

Any advice on how to do this?

We effectively want zen cart to act like paypal's "buy now" button but without the horrible paypalness. (or like CCnow's checkout)

features of zen cart (or any cart really) is a huge negative as far as integration.
If this is how you see it it might be better not to use it

It is not designed to be used only for functions you want
i.e. as a buy now backend to something you currently have setup

Kobra is right in the sense that you can't strip away unwanted functions, because of the sheer inter-relational complexity of eComm software. Everything should be left intact, and rather, you should be looking for "leap-frog" techniques than trying to get rid of functions that can - safely - just be left dormant.

If your products have no attributes to be selected (such as size, or colour), then embedding the following url into an img src link will add what ever product straight to the cart.

index.php?main_page=index&action=buy_now&products_id=XXX

SO... your home page can be hard-coded (in define_main_page.php) to be something like:

<p>YOUR TEXT WOULD GO HERE</p>

<a href="index.php?main_page=index&action=buy_now&products_id=123"><img src="images/pay_by_card.jpg" alt="Click here to pay by card now"></a>

And as you do not need to "display" the categories to you customers, you'd simply "hide" them.

ie: You still need to CREATE a category, and into it you would create your 2 products.

To HIDE this, either switch off all header menus and side boxes where categories are listed, or DISABLE the category, remembering to THEN go into it to ENABLE the two products inside it.

So... in your category listing (in admin) just make the status icon RED. (this will, by default, disable the products INSIDE the category).

Then open the category, and just click the product's status icons which are now red, so they turn green.

In a fresh, raw install of Zencart, the whole site that you are after can be built and skinned inside of 2 hours... maybe less.